A year and a half ago, I began a journey learning the art of homemaking. This followed ten years working full-time with web and game technologies — a world that is quite different but still important and inspiring to me. While I’ve been involved in a handful of professional opportunities since leaving my full-time role, I have prioritized homemaking as I found there is more room to grow than I realized.
I used to think the term “homemaking” sounded dated. It did not feel relevant to me nor did I hold enough respect for it. Gardening and decorating have always been interests of mine, but I never felt I was cut out for cooking, raising children, or managing a home. However, growing my skills and love of homemaking has been what I’ve needed to evolve as an individual, to get unstuck in some areas. It has resolved some bad habits of mine, helped me achieve better health and balance in life, and healed my creative burnout.
This blog post sharing my personal experience aims to support others on similar journeys, considering it, or simply just curious. This is not a guide of homemaking tips and tricks, nor is that the future direction of this blog. Rather, below I share four things I found helpful for embracing home and family following a chapter 100% focused on professional life.
Acknowledging that contributions in the home are as important as contributions in the professional world
For most of my life, my grades in school, college degree, job titles, and other professionally-related achievements (e.g. acceptance into an exhibition) were the main things made me feel valuable in the world. Building websites and games in particular made me feel a cut above others — not even so much because I felt that way about myself, but because of others’ positive reactions when I told them about my career.
And so, for a long time I put lots of energy into my career even outside of my 9-5 jobs (i.e. freelancing, learning new skills, volunteering, networking) and very little energy into learning to cook well, maintaining a home, being a good hostess, etc. This isn’t to say that everyone who is very career-focused lacks these homemaking skills, but that was the case for me. The opportunities I pursued were wonderful and worthwhile, but there was very little balance in my life. I was hooked on progress and approval from others.
Things changed when I became a parent and more mindful of the physical and energetic environment at home. It became clear to me that I needed to pour my energy into creating a home that was nourishing, inspiring, and tidy — a place where the whole family could thrive. I shifted from my default of building up myself to focusing on others and the overall environment. When I saw the positive impact this had on the whole family, I came to truly honor how important work in the home is — I accepted the calling to learn how to do it better. This is all still a work in progress and quite humbling.
Finding empowering language
How I describe this effort has been important. To say I’m spending time “studying the art of homemaking” rather than “staying at home” is so empowering to me — I feel it captures the beauty and activeness of this season accurately.
I also like the terms “works in the home”/“works outside the home” as opposed to “stays at home”/“works”. I find them to be simple, accurate, and neutral. Work inside the home is indeed hard work. It is not just doing chores — work inside the home involves goals, constant improvement and iterations, and thought to how the home reflects and supports the family within it. A homemaker is uniquely attuned to the needs of each member of the family. There are household tasks that can be outsourced, but being a homemaker cannot be outsourced.
Focusing on 1:1 relationships
My friends, family, and professional connections been supportive of my journey in homemaking while also holding respect for my other accomplishments and interests. What I realized is that the negative attitudes I’ve encountered about those who work in the home come from outside my actual experience.
I’ve also found that passively scrolling through discussions about careers and motherhood on social media or the news lowers my mood and makes me doubt myself. Instead focusing on real connections and experiences in my life has been key to maintaining confidence in my choices and avoiding getting sucked into a spiral of fear and anxiety.
Likewise, I believe it would be very difficult to gradually re-engage with professional life without 1:1 connections and stories. Stories about self-taught software developers, for example, give me confidence I will be able to re-engage more when it’s the right time. Tangible evidence of diverse pathways is incredibly encouraging as someone following a less common path.
Finding examples of inspiring people who work in the home
I live in a community and have worked in a field where for the most part, young children are in daycare and both parents work outside the home. Working inside the home did not feel like an option for me because I didn’t see people doing it.
While the thought of making this shift when my first baby was born crossed my mind, I did not seriously consider it at first. I worked outside the home for most of her first year. Now that she’s two years old, I’ve gradually built up more connections and found examples of others who have a similar lifestyle. I feel a lot less alone in that area these days.
A high school friend of mine with years more experience in homemaking has been a great model for me. I’ve also found helpful YouTube channels providing tips as well as vlogs showing the day-to-day life of families where a parent works in the home. These are families who mostly have different lifestyles and live in different parts of the country/world — and that’s exciting! It’s been refreshing to change my perspective and mix things up. I can relate to more kinds of people now, too.
Conclusion
Building websites and games before becoming a homemaker was definitely the right choice for me. I am grateful for the experiences I’ve had that allowed me to reach my potential, meet amazing people, and create exciting things. I believe I became a parent at just the right time, too. Being focused on the home recently has been such a positive, nurturing experience. Going forward, I’m not sure how much of my focus will be in the home or outside of it, but having now experienced both has been a blessing.
Now that I have journeyed as a homemaker for a while, it’s also exciting to think about melding these parts of my life. Maybe it’s coding a product that solves a problem in the home, like the tracking app that helps me plan tasks around the sleep schedules of my baby and toddler. Or maybe it’s a peaceful afternoon with homemade hamburger buns rising while I’m coding something, then code compiling while I knead the dough — that kind of balance that would be so delightful!
Note: The featured artwork on this post is a portrait of me with my two year old daughter. With puzzles, books, and so forth, so many toddler items have colorful shapes — this aims to capture how prominent that aesthetic is in our life right now. This winter, I started this artwork in the days before my son was born, and finished it a few weeks after he was born. It feels very spiritually charged and special to me as something that bridges those two chapters of this very precious season of life. Additionally, coloring the shapes brought me feelings peace and focus during a very challenging day in the newborn period.
